Confused Shoes

Recently, my daughter Alex and I went on a shopping excursion for shoes. She was asked to the 2018 Homeschool Prom and her closet is literally all Vans shoes. A formal with Vans, ahh, she could pull it off but we knew we better be more mainstream and find a pretty pair, like Cinderella, for the occasion.

In our efforts to find the right fit, (She has feet that need the exact fit or they just don't work) we came across some shoe doozies. Oh my, did I have my heyday giggling at what we found.  Of course, Alex kept a safe distance from me in the aisle as I took snap shots of the shoes that made me laugh.

I have owned a few pairs of 'what the heck was I thinking' shoes, ones I thought made a statement but when you look back you wonder, what was going through my head? I have had cheap shoes, throw away shoes, seasonal shoes, shoes that make you feel cute shoes, pretty shoes and sexy shoes but these shoes are monsters that should never be found in any closet. Alex even labeled them, confused shoes. Yes, they have that element about them.

Fashionistas say shoes make the outfit. You tell me, how do these shoes make any outfit? It's a design challenge Tim Gun would cringe at. I can hear, 'Do your best!' with a glance of dubiety as he walks away.

Specimen No.1: Granny

The Price tag says $80.00 for these bland wonders. Trying for a comfort wedge with granny style.

 I say you pay me $80 to take them off the floor.

Specimen No. 2: Birkenstein

These look like Frankenstien wanted to have a multi-seasonal shoe. It's so easy to run on the ice and in the forest taking revenge on those that don't love him. YIKES!

Specimen No. 3: Drunken Slipper

Should I be a slipper, should I be a bow, I kind of want to be a Kimono sash but Meh, I mis-measured the fabric and this'll do. 

Specimen No. 4: Mr. It (Adams Family)

Mr. It found his shaggy sole mate... 

Specimen No. 5: Moo Moo Matchers

OK.. I'm showing my cheap side... 20$ for these slippers. Really? They had better make my feet feel like walking on fluffy marshmallows. These are worthy of kicking under the bed where they will live with the dust bunnies and nobody will miss them.

Specimen No. 6: Jungle Fever

Velvet, meets wonky snake print, meets slip on disaster.  Walk these babies anywhere and you just may need rescue!

Apply Bob Ross' philosophy and you can wear any shoe with confidence!

For Fun, here are the 'Cinderella' shoes we found for Alex's prom dress. Pretty, stylish and wow, she wore them well. (We nailed the outfit for prom... Goodwill formal, 15$, Alex makes it look like a million.)

Proud Dad, Beautiful Daughter
Photo by: Chandra Brown