Maturity Tool 101: Becoming Vulnerable

     I am sitting at my computer right now letting my mind loop about the topic at hand as I grab a yogurt covered raisan and pop it in my mouth I keep trying to find reasons to NOT write about this subject. Why is being vulnerable so hard?
     When I think of the word, vulnerable, the word procastination follows right behind it. These two are sister words. When one has to open themselves up for possible annihilation, one tends to back-off and find a different route around the potential hazard, or just stay put if the road block seems to daunting.     We are creatures of comfort and naturally take the path that is smooth and easy. How easy it is to fall in this mindset and come to a point in your life where you feel you haven't accomplished or acheived or aspired to do what you know you could do or even wanted to do and along the way a realization occurs; you cut yourself off from many life lessons along the way. Many of which contain enjoyment, enrichment and giving for the betterment of others as well as oneself. I have noticed a pattern in the lives of those who are successful. They are willing to constantly put themselves in the face of failure; they MAKE themsleves vulnerable. They find grit in the face of oppostition and dig their heals in when no one wants to take the time to understand their position. Many times they find themsleves alone but their determination sees them through and during this process they gain a backbone, a stance that can not be shaken and are resolved to be the individual that has reached his potential in spite of the world or limitations set on them by people, oppressive ideology or careless words. There are many in history who have done this as an example for future generations to see and know that being vulnerable has its rewards.
     I too have recently had a minor battle with the not so fun part of vulnerabilty and I am actually still in the middle of the guantlet of raw feelings it tests your through. Some of those feelings are of inadequacy, second guessing yourself, putting yourself under the public microscope of scrutiny. Am I going to let rejection, indifference and possible failure change my determination or steal the joy I have had from making a conscience effort to fulfill a small dream. NO WAY!  Even if my dream is ignored by the world, kicked under the bed to gather dust bunnies and never gets an iota of recognition I am beginning to learn one valuable lesson vulnerablity tries to teach us; rewards from the world or peers are secondary, the fact you tried, you followed through and did what you said you were gonna do in spite of it all is what first and foremost matters.
      I look at Abraham Lincoln and Albert Einstein, and Paul the Apostle; three men who definately had their battles with being vulnerable and think, "what if they threw in the towel?" These three had the stubborn quality to see the goal and despite the obstacles, perservere. Although my battle with being vulnerable is miniscule compared to these wonderful examples,  I am aware that the choice I took to allow its lessons have only brought me further along a beautiful path I helped make instead of letting others trod one down for me.  
     These words of advice have helped me on this maturity lesson and I find them quite entertaining, I hope they can help you too. Oh, and by the way, these quotes are from graduates of vulnerabilty with honors in great success...

“The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.”
Douglas Engelbart (American Inventor, co-invented the computer mouse)

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Suess ( Everyone knows who he is...)

The Mending Wall

Here's another ramble of mine again written 2 years ago. I was interested to learn these facts concerning illegal aliens in American History.... (kind of an interesting back drop to think about when you read my rant)
Back during the great depression, Herbert Hoover ordered the deportation of ALL illegal aliens in order to make jobs available to American citizens that desperately needed work.


Harry Truman deported over two million illegal aliens after WWII to create jobs for returning veterans.

In 1954 Dwight Eisenhower deported 13 million Mexicans. The program was called Operation Wetback. It was done so WWII and Korean veterans would have a better chance at jobs. It took two years, but they deported them.

My how the times have changed....

I was reading Robert Frost’s Poem Mending Wall when I was enlightened. Not in your typical poetic understanding but in a political way. I love how a line can transport you to a totally different idea but still relate. Before I explain the political enlightenment, I’ll give background behind this poem to put things into context. Two neighbors meet to fix a stone wall that separates their properties. One begins to question the need for this wall. “My apple trees will not get across and eat the cones under his pines.” He also pushes the issue in jest and states, “but here there are no cows. Before I built a wall I’d ask to know what I was walling in or walling out?” Twice the neighbor states, “good fences, make good neighbors.” Ahh! There is wisdom in those words.

It has been a long proven fact that people need boundaries. Boundaries set a standard, they draw a line in the dirt so all parties involved know what is acceptable and what is not, boundaries make expectations clear, they help keep the peace if an offense should arise. Let’s apply these known facts to the influx of illegal aliens due to the Mexican-American Border Crisis. “Are you suggesting we build a wall between us,” you ask? “Absolutely,” I say. Now don’t get all Berlin wall on me and freak out and think my idea is communistic or anti-immigration. I am an advocate for balance and protecting the welfare of my livelihood and that of my children.

Have you noticed the effects of letting people into this country with out enforcing the rules? Here are some examples to refresh your memory. In the state of California the majority of foreclosed homes are ones that illegal aliens purchased. How could they purchase a home in the first place? American citizens work hard, long hours to pay for their own health insurance but an illegal alien can go to the emergency room and receive service before a citizen and not pay a dime. An illegal alien can rape and murder a child and be released back into the American population, not sent back to where he came from or tried in the justice system. And if he was tried then guess who still ends up paying that bill, you guessed it, the hard-working American citizen. How did we give them special rights while we pay the costs?

“What good would a wall do,” you ask? It would bring back order and require responsibility on behalf of the American citizen, not to mention act as a protection against the drug cartels that are running rampant preparing to overtake their country. Since there are many contacts already located in the U.S. why wouldn’t they wage war here too? I’m not talking about full scale warfare but pocket, city eruptions, L.A. riots on a grander scale.

“What will the wall enforce,” you ask. “It will enforce the policies already in place but have been neglected for far too long,” I say. If you come to the wall and want to enter you have better have a work visa to pass through. You want to stay in the U.S. then become a citizen through the naturalization process and be proud of something, give back to the country that has provided opportunity, don’t shit on it by not following the simple rules to become a citizen. I blame Americans for this lackadaisical attitude. We’ve acted like spoiled ungrateful children who have no concern or care for their parents hard work to get them where they’re at. We’re like teenagers who invite anybody and everybody over to their parent’s house to party while they are away and all hell breaks loose. No respect for parents or self along with an undisciplined nature will destroy a well built house. A sign of a well adjusted family is one of discipline founded on rules and standards that do not sway. We dismantled the invincible wall we had with Mexico through passive neglect. We forgot that to be an American is something to be proud of, to fight for, and to protect. We gave it away like Esau gave away his birthright. . To be an American citizen means nothing in this day and age, if we would only look back and understand the sacrifice that was paid for by blood in order to be called an American there wouldn’t be an illegal alien problem. We need a wall to symbolize a rite of passage. All would have a common knowledge that to be in America and become a citizen is a privilege. Since we let the unruly child have control too long the wall will seem like a punishment at first, as the discipline becomes enforced the child submits to the rules, maturity blossoms and friendship can be realized.

The problem has grown big enough that a big solution is needed. A mending wall may be the only way. Let’s take the man’s simple words of insight in Frost’s poem as guidance and hope for the future, “Good fences, make good neighbors.”

Calling All Political Hero's...Echo....

I usually don't share my political writing on my blog.....BUT lately under this current time I feel, Why Not? The country is under attack from revisionists trying to change our history, there is a sad, continual habit of lawlessness and as American citizen's we need to start waking up to what is really going on. This post is a true "rant" against the system. It was written over 2 years ago but still applies today and sadly the situation in America has gone on a downward spiral since then. I love our country and the freedom it provides. If this post light's a fire to stand up and do what we can, whether it is writing a letter to your congressman, voting, or re-awakening a new passion for freedom in just one reader, than this post is worth it.  

Hey, everyone I’m excited to say I am changing careers. This new way of life is so good I just have to tell you about it. You’ll want to change careers too after I tell you all the wonderful benefits this job will afford you and your family. Now this job takes a little elbow grease to acquire but once you’re in you are set for life. You’ll get free healthcare and not only for the life of the job but for the rest of your life. You’ll get enough money to run not only one but two households, an expense account to buy meals, a more than decent salary and when you retire a handsome pension. Once you land this job you’ll be called “honorable” and held in high esteem by throngs of people. And the kicker is you don’t really need to care enough to hold that attribute. I’ve even heard the company throws in a jet-set vacation package and more regularly than you’d think. At first I thought this was too good to be true, and you know what they say when something looks too good to be true. I’ve done the research and found out that, yes to my disbelief this job is real. So come on, let’s go fill out that application and leave our hardworking, backbreaking, yolk carrying burden of a job and live the highlife.

O.K. I have to admit I’m being cynical when I describe our elected government officials’ job and I tend to be harsh and unforgiving when I feel spurned. So I’ll give quarter to those few and rare officials that have upheld their office and truly taken the people’s needs and interests and held them above their own. They are an anomaly in today’s political system and deserve to wear the term ‘honorable’ before their name. I do not begrudge these few the benefits of holding public office because they earned it with their sacrifice and felt no right to take for the betterment of themselves. In my court they would be granted the John Adams Award.

In these present times the abuse of public power has grated so deep on my psyche that I’m to the point of needing the ‘extreme’ to feel I can deal with their long dictatorship of wanton pleasure. John Adams was accused of taking an extreme stance for his patriotism and public office to the degree of abandonment of his personal life. What a perfect example of passion for the greater good and purpose for a cause bigger than oneself. A true political hero, if there can be such a relationship between words. John Adams stated, “There must be a positive passion for the public good, the public interest, honor, power and glory…and this public passion must be superior to all private passions. Men must be ready, they must pride themselves, and be ready to sacrifice their private pleasures, passions and interests, nay, their friendships and dearest connections, when they stand in competition with the rights of society.” He lived this decree for the great success of our country. His wife, who lived with the effects of her husbands sacrificial extremism held no resentment. Abigail Adams paid her own sacrificial price and had a man with whom she could be proud of, as her letters to him stated with no doubt.

It would be great to require public officials to study John Adams Political Principles upon acceptance of their term, getting officials to submit to them is another matter. The matter lies within the heart and comes down to having the strength and conviction to do what is right even at personal cost.

So I put out the call, a request, one I fear will land on deaf ears, one I shutter to think will not be heard because my faith in the current elected officials falls under a blanket of greed and selfishness. Where are the John Adams and George Washington’s who will rise up, choose not to abuse their power, have a shred of decency and integrity an ounce of honor and begin to turn this country around? Who will take the oath they spoke under the eyes of God literally and “assume a solemn duty as steward of public resources?” Just reading those words and placing them under the context of the newly elected President Obama makes my temperature rise to the point I can hardly contain my anger. The First act of abuse was his inaugural ball. Let me give you a little background to support the fact Obama doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the people’s welfare. He campaigned for change; he wrote about the audacity of hope, was no doubt debriefed about the tumultuous economic status that would be top priority to deal with once he took office. Yet he holds one of the biggest, most expensive to date inaugural balls at tax payers’ expense. Over $150 million to celebrate and $50 million to repair the damages of the wasteland that was left behind. I dare to say this depiction will foreshadow his term and leave our country in a shamble that I fear we will not recover. It is understood that all President’s have this moment of celebration and I would not want to withhold this honor, but is it much to ask to have a little restraint, especially within the scope of knowledge laid at your feet? The Second act of abusing this oath was the absurd spending package labeled under the guise of a Stimulus plan. Our steward racked up the biggest bill America has seen to date, so big our children and grandchildren will be paying for it and the kicker is there is no benefit for the public. He stole the public’s money and funded his interest simply because he has the power to do so. He pushed it through quickly because it was beginning to stink, people were beginning to question. Is this a pattern beginning to show itself? Obviously it is, shown by his third act of “audacity” His Trillion Dollar Budget Proposal pitched to Congress. You don’t need to be an economic major to understand the math behind his proposal doesn’t add up. When it comes down to it, it is down right fraudulent.

I have to sit here and look at my hands tremble as I write this and give my brain pause to even move forward in thought. I’m frozen by the fear his words register in me. I wonder what “audacious” act he’ll come up with next that will cost me not only my money but my freedom. I shake my head and still can not believe this man was voted into office by a landslide. Are the American people really that gullible? Americans have lost their way and given away their power to an empty ideology. They have lived off Obama’s pied piper tune and been lulled by socialisms ethereal high only to be blinded and fleeced and they won’t have anyone to blame but themselves.

Michelle Obama stated, “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country” in relation to her husband running for presidency. Well now that He has become president I say this, “for the first time in my adult lifetime, I fear the country will never be the same and being proud of it will be a thing of the past.”

American’s, patriot’s, citizen’s let us not let our forefathers sacrifice be for naught. Stand up take action with your words as well as presence. Let your voice be heard before you have no voice with which to protest. Let us pray as our forefathers did and I leave this example by John Adams upon residency in the White House, “Before I end my letter, I pray heaven bestow the best of blessings on this House and all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May not but honest and wise men ever rule under this roof!”

Our Renaissance

The Brown's Summer 2010

In late October of 2008 I could feel the transition the economy was sliding into and did my best to brace for the wave its slump would send across the country. My husband, daughter and I returned from a relaxing weekend of fun and frivolity in South Padre Island when we were shot back into reality as my husband read the ticker tape at the bottom of the television screen alerting viewers there was indeed a global financial crisis effecting the markets and great measures were being discussed in the White House for possible solutions. I remember glancing over at my husband and we locked eyes knowing this was a bigger deal than we thought. We were glued to the television searching for any shred of hope channeling through the waves at better outcome then what was being presented. Days passed as we watched the Dow fall taking our spirits along with it. We were seeing the result of the market in our own pocket book. Since both of our jobs heavily rely on a good economy our income dwindled causing uncertainty. We made it through November and were trying to get a grasp for the Holidays when our income came to a halt with Christmas around the corner and a six year old daughter who loves Santa we were in need of a little cheer. We decided to not fall in the credit trap and instead cut things from our budget to save money. Instead of adding to our material possessions for Christmas we decided to give our lifestyle a metamorphosis. We sold unused, unneeded furniture, called the cable company to disconnect services, took our taste for finer foods and replaced with homemade comfort food, no more eating out. I also was fortunate to find a part time job that accommodated my policy to be there for my daughter after school as my husband burned the midnight oil. To be honest, the transition went smoother than I could have ever expected, in fact it felt good to purge the unnecessary items like the flotsam and jetsam they had become in our lives. My daughter has never once complained about missing her favorite shows, she now uses the empty formal living room in the front of our house for a play area. We are entertained by the stories of our lives as we sit at the dinner table talking. The time we used for watching television is spent in the fresh air with friends or on a bike enjoying nature, or reading a book using our imagination to bring it to life. Small sacrifices have birthed new life in my family and proved we have learned when life throws a lemon together with the right mindset we can make lemonade.

Being proactive in the face of hardship has taught us simplicity is a virtue that holds its value through the test of time. A beautiful truth simplicity sowed in us is the pride you feel through minor accomplishments paired with the lessons you can learn about yourself in the context of this world. I decided to forgo my usual nursery spending spree to fill my pots with flowers and use this lesson to plant flowers and herbs from seed with my daughter. She helped me prepare the soil and dig the holes getting her hands messy in the process. She took the packet and dumped the seed in their new home and looked at me questioning if this would really work. We watered and waited, everyday we checked the pots to see if sprouts of new life had taken hold and then the ground cracked open and pushed out as tiny slivers of green started to show themselves. My daughters’ elated expression at realizing her success in growing something useful and beautiful will always be a treasure in my mind. I was going through a growth process as well. The sloughing off of unneeded material wants awakened a sleeping dream I put away for later. I had always been too busy or too tired to even let the dream take root, but signs of the dream began to push through the soil of my mind brought on by the tended ground of discipline and sacrifice. I began writing e-mails to my distant family remembering past times and as if my dream made one last push from darkness to feel the suns’ warmth so it could grow I realized I was writing the book I’ve always wanted to attempt. My inner creativity was re-birthed and has provided me with great satisfaction. I am thankful for the need to downsize; doing so has cleared a path for what really matters, living each day to the fullest and sharing it with the one’s you love.

UPDATE: I wrote this not long after our transition, and we've still been living the same simplistic way (going on 2 years). The economy hasn't changed much and it may even get worse, but I'd like to add a little more on what we've been learning. One of the biggest lessons that has been recurring over and over, daily, monthly and now becoming yearly is this; God has proven to us that He truly is our provider. I need reminding of this fact daily, as a human I still can get nervous, worried and fidgety about how things are going to come to together.  Yet, He still "surprises" me with His Way of doing things and showing me I may not be in control (and never was) and circumstances may not make sense and things may even get really bad but it will all be OK. There is a peace in following and trusting in Him that I am thankful has brought me and my family down a path we really don't want to get off. I'm not saying I have it all figured out or think I have arrived but when you see His hand at work it brings a comfort that can't be duplicated. Paul understood this well. He was shipwrecked, beaten, thrown in jail, was on the move with only the clothes on his back and sandals on his feet at times yet he moved forward not waivering from his God driven purpose. He knew material things, and things done to the flesh were of no spiritual merit and pressed on. He had resolve and determination and the Peace that only God can give and I am grateful for his example.

My Quarrel with Advice

I was asked to give my advice on a topic the other day by a friend. I was feeling pretty good about being asked what I thought. It fluffed my prideful feathers that someone valued my opinion. As I was clickity clacking away my thoughts on the keyboard to respond to my friend's need, I stopped in the middle of my sentence and could not type another letter. The word "advice" was projected on my minds eye as big as a wide screen movie could make it. The word separated into two words just like in grade school when you learn about syllables and use clapping to help you dissect the sounds. "Ad"...*clap*...."vice"...*clap*. So this got me to follow the rabbit and open my dictionary, which I must admit has had a little dust on it due to the busy schedule life can dictate and keep one away from one of the best tools in writing. I opened the crisp pages and easily found Ad. Ad\`ad\n: advertisement; well, that was simple enough, but didn't satisfy my curiosity as to why I was seeing this word so visually as if it was one of cute stickers you can apply as decoration to your walls. The next logical step was to look up advertisement: a public notice intended to advertise something, to inform, notify, to call to public attention in order to sell. Hmmm! I new idea was brewing in the foreshadows of my mind. I quickly looked up the word vice\ prep: in place of: succeeding, also a moral fault; esp. an immoral habit. So I put the two meanings together and formed a definition that may be obvious but I believe subtly becomes deluded in our every day conversations with friends and family.

I was not so quick to keep writing my flowery, smart answer to my friend and with my new found enlightenment, I wrote this instead, "I wish I had the answer to your dilemma, but I don't know what I can say to ease your pain, or to make circumstance better or that I am the best person to give you the answer you need to hear." I paused, getting ready to close my e-mail with as much encouragement as I could when this question presented itself and cemented the reason I was to keep my opinion to myself. "Who is it you first go to when you want to know what to do?" Easily this is answered in the majority as parents, best friends, maybe even pastors or clergy, and not a bad thing to do if wisdom is presented in their life, but let me take this one step further and ask, Why do we not go to the One source that truly has the correct, life-changing, pin-pointed, to the detail answer first; Our Creator, the one who knows us from the womb, Jesus, the one who experienced it all so the bridge of true relationship could be mended and we could walk across to be healed and helped and changed? (I know that was one long, run-on sentence) Sometimes we seek advice of others for human approval, for a way to plead our case, to be heard, all the while closing ourselves off from the Truth that will set us free. There are so many factors in why we run from the one thing that can save us, but those tiny factors add up to one whole, a condition of submission.
Before this post morphs into another sermon, I'll let you in on the definition that recently helped keep my tongue in check, my pride at bay and showed me how to truly love people the way God wants me to.
Advice : A call to attention in order to sell an idea or way in place of another.
And this is my "ad" "vice" to those who are asked for their advice, What is your motive, and the motive of the asker, whether you can determine it or not use it as an opportunity to point to the only One who can truly help, our loving Savior.

The Angry Angst..

Have you ever stayed up too late at night, so late that a minuscule word or action can set you off in a fit of crying, tear-rolling, silent, open-mouthed laughter. Laughter...wait, isn't this post supposed to be about pent up anger? Stay with me for a moment longer as I give you small glimpse into my somewhat abstract world of thinking. The following story is true and I love how certain moments such as this one stick with you, make you chuckle and drop-in your thoughts every now in then just to amuse and remind you that funny late night episodes can have life enduring lessons attached.
My fun-loving, competitive Father and I were up late at his house attempting to smack down the Pro Tennis Competition in Doubles on Wii. We were up against a couple that looked like they just walked out of the nerd factory, my dad and I glanced over at each other sweat dripping down our temples and mutually thought, "We can lick these Dweebs!" We had some power serves and good net play, they were in for it. We served first and volleyed a bit winning the first point, giving us the jolt of victory we smugly had pegged. We loved the play back feature and would point and laugh as the opponent swung at our fire blaze returns and miss by a mile. Seeing the little guy run, reach for the ball then come sliding head first across the hard, green surface watching his glasses break and the whirly cloud of dust rise above him as he came to a stop had us in fits of laughter. We talked smack and let out our adrenaline on the poor couple crushing them under our skill. The frustration was hovering above their heads as we defeated them. "Oooo" my dad said, "I've never seen them angry before." Which got us belly laughing at the angst we caused.
Now for those who don't know my dad, he is good at the poetic word and when he said that last sentence I knew there was a poem ready to be born. I said, "That poor guy is going to have to deal with an angry angst the rest of his life because of us." And that is how the poem came to be.
Read it now and see that it truly has a good life lesson born from absurdity....

The Angry Angst

A boiling cauldron in my deep

it bothers me in my sleep

prodded, poked and teased from youth

A constant conflict of deceit and truth.

being labeled with geeks, queers or nerds

or deluged by discouraging words

being picked on, having my ego spanked

has steeped this stew of angry angst.

How to handle this conflict within

attitude , genetics or original sin.

Do I throw a rage and toss a fit

or collect my self and get over it?

Anger trapped will rot your bones

and the resolution rests with you alone

So turn it down, reduce the clatter.

In a hundred years it just won't matter.

GET OVER IT!

by: John Debee

Doing Nothing

I accidentally took this picture while attempting to put the lens cover back on my camera. When I downloaded the pictures onto my computer I saw this one and it made me stop. I didn't remember consciously taking a picture of relaxing by the sea with a book. I liked looking at it, it made me feel as if there were no other pressing things on my docket, it took me back to the ocean with all the sounds and warm breezes. I felt relaxed, I captured a moment without even trying. Do you feel the calm, uninhibiting call to put the grind behind you and mesh with nature where you can get away from it all; the urge to delve into a book, where your mind can escape? A place conducive to transporting your mind to a pace where time slows down and you feel yourself catch up, wind down and have a moment to just be?
The older I get the more I just want to slow down and enjoy! At times life tends to be a task master, your schedule the constant reminder that you should try to be super woman and get all the items checked off the list. The more you do the better you are, the less idle time you have the more successful you feel. It's a race against who? Oursleves, friends, The Jonses', society? But I ask, with all this time eaten up with; do-this, go-here, juggle-that, where does the time fit in for nothing? Nothing to many people means laziness, boredom, lacking in ambition, a vice that can lead to bad habits. Keep going lest you stop long enough to be tempted. Tempted to what? Tempted to get to know yourself, tempted to let your mind rest long enough to listen to your conscience, tempted to actually talk to God. Being still long enough to spill out the sludge of stress, to get away from monotonous everyday life chatter and embrace the void can be excruciating to humans because we hang on to what's tangible, instant and comfortable, even if it exhausts us and makes us feel good on some level. The idea of nothing scares us! It is a place where we don't have control and may end up facing the fears of the unknown or the fears of facing the bigger questions of self or God.
Are you afraid of nothing?
I guess I didn't mean to let my thoughts take me this far, this post started as thoughts about relaxation. In the end my point comes full circle....in order to relax, doing nothing has it's place.
What does "doing nothing" mean in your life?