The Angry Angst..

Have you ever stayed up too late at night, so late that a minuscule word or action can set you off in a fit of crying, tear-rolling, silent, open-mouthed laughter. Laughter...wait, isn't this post supposed to be about pent up anger? Stay with me for a moment longer as I give you small glimpse into my somewhat abstract world of thinking. The following story is true and I love how certain moments such as this one stick with you, make you chuckle and drop-in your thoughts every now in then just to amuse and remind you that funny late night episodes can have life enduring lessons attached.
My fun-loving, competitive Father and I were up late at his house attempting to smack down the Pro Tennis Competition in Doubles on Wii. We were up against a couple that looked like they just walked out of the nerd factory, my dad and I glanced over at each other sweat dripping down our temples and mutually thought, "We can lick these Dweebs!" We had some power serves and good net play, they were in for it. We served first and volleyed a bit winning the first point, giving us the jolt of victory we smugly had pegged. We loved the play back feature and would point and laugh as the opponent swung at our fire blaze returns and miss by a mile. Seeing the little guy run, reach for the ball then come sliding head first across the hard, green surface watching his glasses break and the whirly cloud of dust rise above him as he came to a stop had us in fits of laughter. We talked smack and let out our adrenaline on the poor couple crushing them under our skill. The frustration was hovering above their heads as we defeated them. "Oooo" my dad said, "I've never seen them angry before." Which got us belly laughing at the angst we caused.
Now for those who don't know my dad, he is good at the poetic word and when he said that last sentence I knew there was a poem ready to be born. I said, "That poor guy is going to have to deal with an angry angst the rest of his life because of us." And that is how the poem came to be.
Read it now and see that it truly has a good life lesson born from absurdity....

The Angry Angst

A boiling cauldron in my deep

it bothers me in my sleep

prodded, poked and teased from youth

A constant conflict of deceit and truth.

being labeled with geeks, queers or nerds

or deluged by discouraging words

being picked on, having my ego spanked

has steeped this stew of angry angst.

How to handle this conflict within

attitude , genetics or original sin.

Do I throw a rage and toss a fit

or collect my self and get over it?

Anger trapped will rot your bones

and the resolution rests with you alone

So turn it down, reduce the clatter.

In a hundred years it just won't matter.

GET OVER IT!

by: John Debee

Doing Nothing

I accidentally took this picture while attempting to put the lens cover back on my camera. When I downloaded the pictures onto my computer I saw this one and it made me stop. I didn't remember consciously taking a picture of relaxing by the sea with a book. I liked looking at it, it made me feel as if there were no other pressing things on my docket, it took me back to the ocean with all the sounds and warm breezes. I felt relaxed, I captured a moment without even trying. Do you feel the calm, uninhibiting call to put the grind behind you and mesh with nature where you can get away from it all; the urge to delve into a book, where your mind can escape? A place conducive to transporting your mind to a pace where time slows down and you feel yourself catch up, wind down and have a moment to just be?
The older I get the more I just want to slow down and enjoy! At times life tends to be a task master, your schedule the constant reminder that you should try to be super woman and get all the items checked off the list. The more you do the better you are, the less idle time you have the more successful you feel. It's a race against who? Oursleves, friends, The Jonses', society? But I ask, with all this time eaten up with; do-this, go-here, juggle-that, where does the time fit in for nothing? Nothing to many people means laziness, boredom, lacking in ambition, a vice that can lead to bad habits. Keep going lest you stop long enough to be tempted. Tempted to what? Tempted to get to know yourself, tempted to let your mind rest long enough to listen to your conscience, tempted to actually talk to God. Being still long enough to spill out the sludge of stress, to get away from monotonous everyday life chatter and embrace the void can be excruciating to humans because we hang on to what's tangible, instant and comfortable, even if it exhausts us and makes us feel good on some level. The idea of nothing scares us! It is a place where we don't have control and may end up facing the fears of the unknown or the fears of facing the bigger questions of self or God.
Are you afraid of nothing?
I guess I didn't mean to let my thoughts take me this far, this post started as thoughts about relaxation. In the end my point comes full circle....in order to relax, doing nothing has it's place.
What does "doing nothing" mean in your life?

When Life Gives You Lemons....Make Lemonade

In this ongoing recession we have learned to be creative with our money and time. Since we can't bring ourselves to spring the dough for area attractions that can easily end up costing a weeks worth of groceries we decided to squeeze our pocket change for all it was worth.

The girls were so excited to make their own lemonade. Little did they know how much work was really involved. They were insistent on squeezing the lemons themselves the old fashioned way, by hand. This took a good part of an hour, their little hands tired from pushing and twisting with all their might just to get a full cup of juice. The lemons became characters in made up stories, Monsters who's innards spilled as they pushed them on the juicer. Then the measuring of sugar, ice and water brought forth witches cackles as they pretended to brew a potion. As the mixture steeped in the fridge, they transformed themselves into advertising specialists and made their own lemonade stand signage. Business skills developed as they discussed what price to charge for a Dixie cup full of Homemade Lemon Sweetness fit for the Gods (of course)!

It was time to set up the stand and their entrepreneurial skills were in full tilt as they beamed their smiles and yelled for the whole neighborhood to hear, "Lemonade For Sale!" In order to keep within the cities town noise ordinance, I pulled a few strings and called a few neighbors to let them in on the new business in the hood. The girls were excited at their first unsolicited sale, the new neighbors that were moving in down the street decided to stop by for a refreshing break.

It was a hot, 100 degree summer day, sweat rolling down their cheeks and pride in their eyes as they profited from their hard work while having fun along the way.

Maybe adults could learn from this adventure and bring a little childhood fun back into our workdays.

Spring Is In The Air

Put on a Pretty Dress

And Twirl, Twirl, Twirl

To be a little girl again

with sunshine in your hair

What a delightful sight to see

when Spring Is In The Air

Odie The Black Dog

This post is for those dog lovers who know their pet may be an animal but is truly one of the family.

Our dog Odie, is considered one of the kids and she acts like it. When my daughter has playdates she thinks they are there for her. When the girls go outside to play and leave her behind she cries at the door until they include her. We love how she has engrained herself in our family and even has little duties to perform, one of which is waiting at the garage door every morning ready to take Alex to school and bark at the neighborhood kids waiting to catch the school bus. They all know who Odie is and wave and send their greetings as we drive by. For those of you who have a dog you can not help but love their loyalty. They are always glad to see you at the end of the day and make sure you know it. They just want to be with you and love you unconditionally. The joy they bring to the family makes great memories.

I have fond memories growing up with a great dog named Solomon. He was a Chow/German Shepard mix who was abondoned by his mother at birth. She bit him on the head and he had an abcess by his eye when we took him in. I was twelve when we got him and he carried me through some rough times during the school years. Amazing how dogs can't speak to you in words but their eyes and actions show they're your best friend. My husband had the same expereince with his dog, a Sharpay he named Sharnay. He still has her collar and tags even though she's passed a long time now.

My husband and I had such a great experience with our pets we thought our daughter, who had been begging for a year to have a dog should be able to experience this fun-loving relationship for herself. It has been fun to watch both of them interact and grow up together. We are often asked by our daughter to tell the story of how Odie came in to our lives. We like telling it because we didn't choose Odie, she chose us, in fact we think she planned the whole thing from the beginning. We wanted a boy dog because that was what we were used to and boy dogs are not as much as a girl when purchased from a breeder. Odie had three other siblings that looked like her. Her twin was a boy and had the same markings. A little white snippet on the chest and one white patch on the foot. We chose the little boy and name him Odie, but he had to stay with his mom for another 2 weeks before we could take him home. The day arrived to pick up Odie and we get to the breeders house near dusk. A cute, outgoing puppy, energetic above all the rest makes its way over to us and my daughter picks it up and begins snuggling and bonding right away. I was writing out the check and my husband was chatting with the breeder over the papers. We were in ga-ga land over how cute the puppy was that we didn't check the under carraige for the most important marking of all. It was dark on the way home and late when we arrived. We let the puppy sleep and the next morning I took him out to go potty but he didn't go like a boy. I picked him up and noticed him was a her. We called the breeder immediately and she said it was our choice if we wanted to bring her back, by that time we were in love and the rest was history.

My daughter and I wrote an ode to Odie for fun one day hope you enjoy it!

Ode to Odie

The Black Dog

by: Chandra and Alex Brown

Dog...Black Dog!

You drive me crazy

Jumpin' on me

Rollin in the mud

Gettin' dirty

OOOO Dog...Black Dog!

Follow the dirt...

"That little squirt!"

Keep out of my pots

Don't touch my forget -me-nots

Grrr Dog...Black Dog!

Stop sneaking my dolls

under my bed

so you can chew

their neck from their head

Aarg...Black Dog!

Walking you seems more

like a tug-o-war

Slow down,

Who's keeping score?

BUT ALAS...

You have some fine qualities

That we'd like to see some more of

PLEASE!

Good Dod...Black Dog!

When you see a good treat

O the tricks you'll perform

Roll-over, Sit-down,

You bring on the charm!

Cute dog... Black Dog!

You're the black bullet

fast as can be

Chasing kids or a ball

is your cup of tea!

Sweet Dog...Black Dog!

Snuggling in bed,

Lickin' our heads...

waiting excitedly at the door

for our return

(SIGH...)

Dog...Black Dog

You are our best friend!

A Few Good Men

I am fortunate enough to say I have some awesome examples of top of line, cream of the crop, grade A MEN in my life. This post is for them.

The picture to the left is of me and my marvelous Dad. Let me tell you, as far as Dad's go he is the BEST. I know I should be saving this post for Father's Day, but when you feel so lucky to know somebody any time of the year is good to tell it to the world. He made growing up special for me with his acts of creativity. You knew he was thinking about you when he made a poetic scavenger hunt for Easter, personalized a tin with your own set of crayons and coloring books at Christmastime and fashioned homemade wooden decorations you got to help paint and put on the tree. I always loved doing school projects with my dad. One of the most memorable projects we did together was the Battle of Midway. We read about it at the library and collaborated on a model that was out of this world. We made Aircraft Carriers and painted Japanese and American fighter planes. He added the coolest detail by stringing fishing wire across the top of the model to make the airplanes look like they were in battle flight. I give my dad the credit for instilling in me an interest in history and World War II. We have this common bond now that I am an adult because he took the time to make learning fun. He's still doing creative, fun things for his grandchildren. He made them their very own Tree House with a loft and deck. My nephews can use it as an Army Base for their war planning. My nieces can use it as their doll or club house, and yes, the adults like to sit on the deck and hang out in there too.

I must mention one of my favorite things that my dad never fails to do every year. He is the Valentines Day King. He showers all the girls in the family in his own special way. Each one receives a card with a message that uncannily fits their personality, along with flowers or photo books and always chocolate. He will hand deliver these tokens of his love to their work or home as well. I look forward to that holiday because my Dad has made this his tradition of love and it takes you back to when you were a kid and felt safe, secure and loved for just being you. (You know more posts will follow about him, he's quite the man and has some other wonderful traits I'd love to expound on)

In the picture to the right is my wonderful Dad-In-Law and my love able Hubby. Papa Ken as I like to call him has been an influence in my life that I am eternally grateful for. His spiritual guidance and the fact he lives the way he teaches has been a gift from God to behold. His determination to do what is right and fight for the truth has been an example that can best be seen by his writings. Click the link to see what I mean www.voiceofonecrying.com His research and devotion to finding the Truth will challenge you. He's a stability to the family that I believe gets taken for granted. It's easy to do that to people we love, I'm guilty of this, that's why I take the time to post my thoughts. It doesn't matter if they are read or commented on, it is my way of praying, of getting what's inside out and letting those close to me know I'm thinking of them. In my opinion, Papa Ken writes what he learn as an act of love for his family as well as being compelled by God to be obedient. I am thankful he's chosen to give of himself. He's sacrificed much. Thanks Papa Ken!

Of course there is my Hubby who fits in the "Good Men" category. I'd like to say as his wife it has been an honor to be chosen as the one who gets to see the day to day, months to years growth of his manhood. It's kind of neat being witness to the workings of something great. It makes me feel darn good of myself to know I saw the goodness in Nathan when I first met him and my instinct wasn't wrong. We've been together over ten years now and through all the crazy obstacles and challenges life throws at you we can look at each other and know that if all else fails, and the world comes crashing down, we've got each other.

(Of course there is subject matter here that I can write volumes about...future post material)

I feel lucky, blessed, fortunate and like I've won the lottery having these Men in my life. Who are the "Good Men" in your life?

"Cupid" Diem

Valentines Day is just around the corner and the closer the holiday gets the more you see ads targeting Men to get out there and buy something lest you end up in the dog house. It starts in the high end price range with diamonds and if you can't afford those get her lingerie, teddy bears and flowers. Finally, at the lower end of the economic scale you better at the very least buy her a card and chocolate.

I'd like to take a moment and point out that women, including myself love all these material things that say I love you, but (how did you know there would be a but?) I have a few suggestions to make to ALL who love someone. These suggestions, in my mind mean more than the material ways we say I love you and do not hold any monetary value. The value they hold is priceless and fills your loved ones emotional piggy bank, one that means more that any fiscal matter, and the fun part is you don't have to wait till Valentines to fill the piggy bank.... You can do these anytime.

1. The minute your spouse comes home from work grab them and kiss them for at least 4 seconds (4 seconds is longer than you think... 1 one thousand 2 one thousand...)
2. Say I love you everytime you part (Your words have more impact than you may realize)
3. Make something that shows your love. (it could be as simple as a cut-out heart sent in their lunch bag or briefcase/or can be more complicated such as: preparing their favorite dinner, even if you don't particularly like doing it, it shows you stepped out of your comfort zone to let them know you care)
4. Ask your loved one what they want to do and do it with undivided attention for at least 15 minutes. (Children love this. My daughter always wants to me to play in her imaginary world with her horses. Sometimes it's hard for me to be Black Beauty for 15 minutes but it's about her not me for those 15 minutes. It always brings us closer together.

The suggestions are pretty basic, not very hard and very do-able especially in this economy.
So "Cupid" Diem- and seize the opportunities to show your love. The return on investment is worth your time.
Write back and let me know some of the fun ways you show your love! I am always open to new ideas to try out on my loved ones.

"Seven Days Without Wine, Makes One Weak"

Have you had your glass of wine today? If not, go open that bottle and get pouring, I'll wait............

Good, now that you have glass in hand let's talk about your need to go to the wine country. The great thing about 'wine country' is it can be found in places you wouldn't think possible. Wines from Oregon recently have been winning national awards and becoming well known, who knew! And can you believe it I have a winery in my own backyard. OK, not literally in my backyard, but I live in Texas and as big as Texas is it feels it's right there. I only have to drive 15 minutes to transport myself to wine heaven. Colorado, my home state has vineyards and wineries dotting the Western Slope. One of the best wineries in Colorado is located in the city of all places. If you ever get a chance while in Denver, visit Balistreri Vineyards, it's small, off the beaten path, you can almost miss it but what a fun find.

For those who don't see the "need" to tour the wine country in their state I implore you to step out and try it sometime. Not only do you see natures beauty in the growing vines that supply the basis for a vintner's art, you'll get to taste it too. You'll be tasting the unique flavors only your states soil and weather conditions can provide. It puts you in touch with the roots where you decided to make a life. I am no sommelier, but there are subtle difference in taste, aroma, color that let's you know where you are.

I have to thank my husband for infuencing me to drink wine. Before I met him I had the occassional drink around holidays. The people that know me today know me as the person who makes excuses to pop a bottle and enjoy among friends. One my first and most memorable experiences in the wine country are depicted in the pictures above. They are taken in Napa and Sonoma Valley (Sterling-Napa/La Viansa/Sonoma) We drove there with my parents in a rented Buick That had the most uncomfortable seats not to mention was in the category of Old man car. My husband got a speeding ticket and I blame that on 1) the seats being uncomfortable and needing to inflate our flattened butts back to normal 2) We were on that long, straight boring stretch of road in Nevada that begged for some speed 3)Since we had Nevada's racetrack road we wanted to see how fast the 'Old Man' car would go, it was surprisingly speedy as we found out with the cops lights in the rear view mirror. We laughed the whole way to California, joking that the Buick would get us there, not in style... but it would get us there. We strolled San Franscico, ate their delicious cuisine, pigged out on Ghiradelli Chocolate, Saw Golden Gate and Presidio. Drove the Muir highway by the sea on our way to wine country. When we got there we visited so many tasting rooms we were light hearted to say the least. We ate cheese, bread, proscuitto to sop up the wine in our stomach and went out for more the next day. It was the perfect trip. One that got us started visiting other wineries in other states.

Check the state you live in and I bet you will find someone living the wine making dream. If you've been able to tour your state's wine country let me know your experience and where the unique places are. There is something about getting out there tasting what man does with nature that binds folks together.

La Dolce Vita

I don't know about you, but when our family goes on vacation we sniff out the food first thing. We look in the hotel books, ask the conceirge, and ask other hotel guests what's good around here and if you can flag down a local they always tell you the best spots. We have made such lasting memories on our hunt for food. We'll get together and say, "Remember the fun we had at La Cocita, or wasn't the squash stuffed ravioli out of this world at Trios."

There's something about sitting around the table, catching up, experiencing the cuisine that brings out the best in our family.

One of our favorite places to go everytime we are in Puerto Vallarta is an Italian place called La Dolce Vita (The sweet life). They have very good pizza and it is right across the street from the ocean. You can see them creating wonderful pies and smell them as they bake in the wood fired oven while looking out the open arched windows and see the tourists and locals bustling up and down the sidewalk. It is a very good place to watch the sunset and begin your vacation.

Look at everyone's faces. HAPPY, full of life, free to be themselves. No outside worries creeping in, no thoughts of what is going on back home. Just living in the moment, enjoying one another, creating an environment of laughter and fun.

If you haven't sat around the dinner table with the family in a while or gone out to lunch with a friend to catch up and have been to busy to really enjoy food and conversation, make the time in the near future. The simple act of sharing with someone else will only "sweeten your life."

What have been some of your food/vacation memories?

Kick back and enjoy the ride!

When circumstances have you pigeon holed and no where to go, kick back and enjoy the ride.

On a beautiful summer day, our family of motor heads decided to take a small excursion to the mountains. On the way back we were stopped along a very tight canyon because of an accident. At first we were fidgety and thinking of ways to get out of the canyon the quickest. We could turn around and backtrack to the highway about 30 miles in heavy traffic or sit it out while the emergency crew did their job. We opted to stay put and wait it out. While we waited a red classic convertible approached behind us and the boys got to admire another great piece of machinery besides their motorcycles. The girls chatted and we all got to stop and admire the scenic setting around us. The river was roaring and you could hear it clearly. You could see the ragged detailing in the harsh rock, trees of all sizes and shapes dotted the roadside and you could see the petals of the summer flowers gently flutter in the breeze.

And not long after we stopped it was time to get moving again (funny thing is if we would have backtracked we would have come out the same or even added time on the travel down the mountain) The little roadside rest was actually what we needed. After a long ride and concentrating on the curves ahead you can get tired and not really see the beauty all around. So when life stops you, STOP! It's not always best to squirm and scheme a new path. We don't need to keep moving, going, striving. Rest is there for a reason. So just sit back and enjoy!

The Indulgent Side of Natures Beauty

When I'm ready to get off the crazy rides life can take you on, I like to head to the beach. I am not a water person. I am actually afraid to go in the ocean past my knees, but the gentle, consistent sound of the waves rolling onto the beach always overrides any of my fears. Somehow when your toe first touches the sand time slows down, your brain shifts into auto pilot and I swear you can feel your heart rate adjust to the cadence of the waves. Even the air is different. I've heard some people say it smells fishy or it's heavier due to the humidity. To me it says, you're in a different place than what you are accustomed to, enjoy the change, it sets the tone, creates a new atmosphere.

The neat thing about the beach is it's effects on the senses.Touching the sand, feeling it sink between your toes, it's gritty texture somewhat harsh but surprisingly soft at the same time takes me back to childhood when you didn't think twice about whether you had matching socks or the right shoes with the right outfit. Barefoot on the beach is perfectly acceptable. There isn't anything better than the fresh catch of the day either. I am well known in my circle of friends and family to be anti-seafood. I turn my nose up when the smell of fish is cooking, I cringe as my Crab loving husband cracks the shell in order to delight in the flesh. After telling my food flaw, as my husband would say, I DO understand the tastiness of the fresh catch. Thanks to my husband! He went crabbing in the fine ocean waters and brought home over 20 small blue shell crab to boil and feast on. As I watched the preparation took place I quietly mused about the task and how much work was involved. All this work, it better be out of this world, look at him boiling those little guys, then crunching their shell while steaming hot to get at the littlest amount of meat. Poor thing, I'm glad I don't like seafood. I ate those words literally. I have never nor will I (probably) ever have a more outstanding Crab Cake. I started off polite, I'll try this because he worked so hard, and ended with my mouth full of crab, almost licking the plate and asking for more. It was DELICIOUS!

I didn't mean to go off on a tangent but when writing about the beach I tend to get carried away. Speaking of being carried away, I will spend hours strolling the beach picking up bags of seashells. I am addicted. I get caught up in the hunt and feel I've found a unique treasure every time I see one in the sand. I love looking at each ones color and shape. I sometimes think of people along the same line as I do seashells. We all make a long journey, each one unique with stories to tell. People, especially ones close to you are small treasures, the time you spend finding who they really are is never time wasted.

And who can resist the gentle, calming of the waves. During the day it gets muffled by seagulls squawking for morsels, children laughing, people playing in the sand. Only at night is the sound more distinct and can be appreciated by floating off to sleep.

Natures Beauty

I wanted to talk about these particular photos. The one I used as my Profile (for now) was taken on top of Mt. Evans, Colorado in the summer. My Parents drove my daughter and me to the top of this 14teener. It was warm, about 73 degrees at the base of the mountain when we started and gradually it got cooler. By the time we got to the top it was 54 degrees and my daughter was making snowballs from the little patches interspersed throughout the terrain. What amazes me about these mountain flowers is the perfection in every petal, not a dark tip from too much exposure or a wilt from not enough water. I've seen the hen and chicks grow in warm climates, it's more natural habitat and look in need of a green thumb. Not only was this little patch of heaven growing in the rock crevice but as you hiked around other little patches of perfection in different arrangements were hiding for you to discover. I could have taken a hundred pictures and not have a bad one. When I see this picture I think of a masters touch, lets put yellow-for the sun, periwinkle-for the horizon and a touch of white-to represent the snow. Now lets add a bed of deep maroon behind the broad leafed green to enhance it's texture. Let's give it a background of variated grey rock with touches of moss to balance the landscape.... To me this is an artistic garden God layed out to show His beauty and through nature he says, "I am always there even when it seems I'm not." Above timberline can be desolate, rocky, a hard terrain, but if you look closer life, growth and small wonders can be found.

So when life looks like its got you between a rock and a hard place, look close, you're not alone.