Intelligence Quotient For Inanimate Objects

INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT FOR INANIMATE OBJECTS

Rating Scale:

Not So Good             -----  >     Not So Smart

Not So Bad               -----  >      Retarded

Bad                           -----   >     Dumb

Worse                       -----   >     Stupid

Worst                        -----   >     POS

Worse Than Worst   -----   >     FU

Wrath of God           -----    >    Apocalyptic

Disclaimer:

The assigning of the I. Q. F. I. O is not a reflection of the individuals politically correct or incorrect views or is not an indicator of moral values, it is a totally relative bias for measuring personal knowledge of individual relationship between said inanimate object and said living entity.

Any misrepresentations, mis-understandings, legal, litigation, personal injury or general mental disparagement is solely, purposefully, absolutely the responsibility of the assignor.

The content of the material contained and the views expressed in this dissertation is not reflective of the egghead who penned said Intelligence Quotient, therefore, peruse and assimilate at your own risk.

General Usage Guidelines:

The rating scale embarks upon the lowest level of emotional output towards said object and progresses up the scale as the emotional agitation increases.

Users have experienced staccatoed vacillations within the varied scale causing neural lapses leading to cerebral exhaustion; although these episodes tend to be quite entertaining to spectators, the individual experiencing the episode may feel the emanation of utter mortification.

Proceed usage with caution.

Case In Point:

A cathartic montage for your I.Q.F.I.O pleasure.

Spawned from the brain of John Debee
with the embellishment assistance of Chandra Brown

A Man And A Maiden On A Warm Summer Day

Here I go again, skirting the monotonous weekend cleaning schedule so I can do what I'd rather do; read or write about something that interests me. The motorcycle boot scuff marks on the floor can wait a few more hours so I can stroke this mental viand.

People that know me best understand my sentimental nature. I like to swoon and reminisce and exaggerate reality just because words mixed with a little varied imagination on paper allows me the simple pleasure.

Alas, this is the tale of A Maiden And A Man On A Warm Summer Day….

A man and a maiden separated ways, one chose the flat Eastern path, the other traversed the hilly Western maze. The morning dew called them both to ensue upon the set fate of their days.

They parted with a sweet loving peck and thought of each other no more as the the daily marks were set. They toiled upon what must ensue to keep their heavenly abode well kept.

At mid day break the maiden did fall upon pathway travails. She pondered the muddle she found herself in and beckoned for her hero to prevail. Although capable of fixing her plight; a man was
what was needed for this particular avail.

And THEN…

She saw him flying from the East on his valiant steed; loud and thunderous and moving at blistering speed. He saw her waiting upon the Western hill ready for him to accomplish his heroic deed. Her heart melted in the sweltering sun knowing she would be saved; yes indeed!

She watched as he worked, beads of sweat on his brow, securing and fastening her plight into oblivion's domain. Gratitude arose from the depths of her being, a euphoric kiss was reward to her swain. Travelers along the Western maze beheld the true love of a maiden and a man on that warm Summer day.

'The Man'
Photo by: The Maiden 'AKA' Chandra Brown

The story of 'A Man And A Maiden' certainly beats reality; I was stranded because of a flat -tire and had to pull my hardworking husband away from his job to come fix a tire on his lunch break. BORING! Ha ha! 

Thanks honey, you were my hero! XO

Backwards Comet

My daughter and I have been reading Inspired Evidence, Only One Reality by Julie Von Vett and Bruce Malone for our morning jump start for school. It is written in the form of a daily devotional and it's main focus is Science.

September 10th's entry really got our 'geek' going. The subject matter is Cosmology and the topic was evidence for the formation of the Universe by our Creator God.

The widely accepted theory for the beginning of the Universe is the Big Bang Theory; The Nebula Hypothesis is the widely accepted theory for the formation of the Solar System and Planetary Bodies, both are heavily set in the evolutionary belief system.

The Nebula Theory in a nutshell
"In this model, a giant cloud in space made up of mainly spinning, ionized gas with a magnetic field is believed to have pulled together by gravity into the sun, planets and other objects in our solar system." 

In order for this model to work, the results should show the planetary objects orbiting in the same direction. 

The discovery of a comet defying the Nebular Hypothesis gave astrophysicists a puzzling dilemma. This iconoclast is called 'Dracula' (2008 KV42) and it was orbiting backwards around the sun, something that should not be possible according to the widely held theory. At first the scientists thought they were mistaken but another backwards orbiting comet was showing supportive evidence that what they were seeing was not a single anomaly, it's name is 2002- XU93. 

Photo By: Elsie esq.
Halley at Perihelion

This information (although old in the science world, but new to me) makes this science nerd really excited.  First, there are holes in the Nebula Theory that when scrutinized only helps point towards a creation model; one of which is, The Law of Conservation of Angular Momentum. The law can be described by the movement of spinning.  When a dancer or ice skater begins to spin with open arms (the birth of a spin) it is a slow movement, as they keep turning (youth) they bring their arms closer into their body causing the spin to speed up and the radius of the circle to become smaller. If the formation of the Solar System began with a large cloud of dust spinning and using gravity to create planetary bodies the result should be fast spinning bodies. For general information, scientists believe the Sun to be a slow rotating body and the planets faster rotating bodies in a Universe thought to be very old; in order for that statement to be fact according to the Nebula Theory, the Sun should be on a faster rotation schedule.  (For further detailed explanation on this matter click here)

All this information just makes my head swim, thoughts are pinging off my brain at an amazing speed, there is so much to write about concerning the realm of Science, but I'll refrain and save that for another post. 

If you clicked on all the links and read the material, I hope you can see the evidence points strongly towards the honesty found in Hebrews 11:3- " BY FAITH, we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible." 

I am rejoicing in Psalms 33:9 - "for He SPOKE, and it came to be; He commanded and it stood firm."

Alstroemeria

Alstroemeria
Photo by: Chandra Brown

Alstroemeria
Zygomorphic beauty
Unfolds in symbiotic affinity,
together apportioned truth combine
imparting genuine love; sublime

Silken petals
Curve suspends upon fluent mien
a benevolent theme of paramount,
cautious eyes and breath passing lips
should not disturb where the calyx sits

Intricate anther
dresses fine tenets of rapport,
dissuading flux in sentiment
braced by firm filament

Unfailing frond
worthy to bear the conduct of being,
vaulted in set similarity
no encumbrance to harmony
By: Chandra Brown

Alstroemeria Facts:

• Symbolizes friendship and devotion and the trials and tribulations encountered upon the journey.
• Also called Peruvian Lily, Lily of Incas or Parrot Lily

Proverbs 20:6 - "Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?"

John 15: 12-13 - "Love one another just as I have loved you. No greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Re-Purposed Shovel Head

The end of Summer is the time for yard projects here in Austin, Texas. Recently, my Dad visited and helped me accomplish some goals in the yard. When you are completing projects you are bound to run into problems.

Our dilemma occurred early on, literally the first dig of dirt delayed any further progress because the handle on the flat head shovel busted under the pressure. We laughed over the ironic nature of the problem. How could we proceed to dig out gnarly roots and accomplish our plan without the correct tool?

We had a razorback shovel hiding in the garage to keep the project moving forward and mid way through the day the neck bent due to those darn, gnarly Nandina roots. We took that as our cue to take a break and succumb to buying brand new shovels.

Instead of chucking the old broken shovels in the trash bin, my creative Dad hatched a brilliant idea. See the fun yard art he came up with involving the flat head shovel below. This new piece of Texas art now hangs on my back fence gate. I can see it from my kitchen window and it looks fabulous!

I have some quirky ideas for the razorback shovel, it definitely has an Austin feel to it. The bent neck gives way to the famous city slogan, "Keep Austin Weird". I have a bunch of bottle caps saved up for a craft project, maybe I'll meld the two together and see if I can make it weird enough to pass the Austin standards.

"Use it up

Wear it out

Make it Do

Or Do without"

Front Yard Facelift

Our landscape has gone through drastic changes over the years. When we first moved in it was a jungle with weeds so we rectified the problem and made it into a lush, clean, green scape. Years fly by and the Bradford Pear tree was threatening our neighbors car and our windows; not to mention crowding out our Live Oak tree so my husband felled the Bradford Pear almost by himself. (What a man!) This left a bare area in the middle of the yard with a years worth of new runners to constantly pull up.  The Nandina's planted by the electrical box were out of control and looked more like anorexic weeds than a beautiful bush. 

An update was due but what do you do when your budget is less than two nickels to rub together and your spent from all the other life issues pulling at you? You call in the re-claim, re-purpose, landscape extraordinaire, John Debee. 

I wanted a change, something eye catching, yet drought resistant and easy to take care of. My dad knew exactly what plant to buy, how big it was going to get, and where to plant it.  My hero! 

John Debee and his helper making a re-purposed screen from scrap wood

Working in the yard on my small project brought back childhood memories of helping Dad accomplish his vision for his little piece of heaven in Colorado. Moving bricks, shoveling out grass to make way for raised garden beds, filling wheelbarrows with rocks for dry stream beds all came to the forefront of my mind. He's been fine tuning and tweaking his Colorado paradise for years and every time I go home to visit he has something wonderful planned in his ever changing utopia. It is a place of beauty and relaxation with an enchanting Japanese element to the design. 

PROBLEM: This part of the side yard was gnarled with Nandina roots, and dogs loved to use it as their bathroom. The media box, telephone cable containers and water meter covers were overgrown and hard to access. 

SOLUTION: We found a few fence pickets laying around the garage and a few 2x4 boards from our recent deck repair project. We got out Nathan's trusty table saw and ripped down the boards to the correct size and Voila, a wood screen was created to cover the boxes and act as a backdrop for the plants. We purchases Mexican Feather Grass and Maiden Hair Adagio to give texture and color to the area. We found a few stray, white rocks behind our house in the pipeline and decided to use them as decorative fillers. We added Texas Native Black Mulch as the finishing component and now this corner has design quality I can be proud of.

BEFORE

AFTER: View 1

AFTER: View 2

PROBLEM: Nandina was covering this electrical box but it was UGLY! Leaves and weeds loved this area and made it difficult to clean out.

SOLUTION: We removed the offending plants and prepared the soil. We planted one Maiden Hair grass that will get 5 feet tall and act as a backdrop to Purple Fountain grass.  I could also make a wood screen for this area but the grasses and plumes should grow to cover this box in a short time.

BEFORE

AFTER: View 1

AFTER: View 2

OVERALL: Removing the tall, scraggly Nandina plants helped open the view of our front yard, making it feel bigger than what it really is.  The new plants also helps tie all our other landscape elements together by adding texture and color variation. This is good for the exterior curb appeal and looking at the new and improved areas bring a smile to the soul.

Flowers make people better, happier and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul."- Luther Burbank

“Gardens are the result of a collaboration between art and nature.” – Penelope Hobhouse

Stay tuned for a future blog about a re-purposed project inspired by a mis-hap during this one involving yard tools. 

Storge, Phileo, Agape Love

I think I am ready to admit this has been one of the hardest of my thirty-eight years on this planet. Sometimes all of life's tangents hit you square in the chest all at once and leaves a deep impression. The blow spins you around and you find yourself in a heap on the ground wondering what it all means.

Oh, the lessons to glean from it all! Believe me, life events bring me to my knees and keep me asking God for the answers. Some questions He has answered, others He has kept hidden for now.

This year I have been heart broken over the separation from my dear loved ones. As I get older the old hymn, Turn Your Eyes to Jesus, sets well in my soul. The things that matter take precedence and when it is relationship with other believers and those that understand you, your heart yearns for the time that could have been, mourns for the time lost and cries out for more in the future. To share your experiences walking with God with those that will hold the dealing of your heart in tender trust is rarely found. The deep sadness comes in knowing you have this rare jewel but it is over 1000 miles away and not easily accessed. Oh to see the lovely expressions on the well known face, the mannerisms, being able to hold their concerns in your bosom and lend a shoulder, to dine together; these are the things that bind.

This particular post is my thank offering to God regarding one of my hearts desires. (Psalms 20:4) The love for my family.

Thank you Mom for finagling your hectic schedule and making the visit happen. Your tender kindness through your artful gift giving and pairing that with the way you know what I need filled my soul with even more love for you. Sometimes a woman needs another woman to help her get back in touch with who she is, and you did that for me. You reminded me it's ok to wear a pretty dress, go out and enjoy yourself and it is really ok to take care of yourself with a little pampering now and then. Your carefree, 'no -holds barred' attitude made me laugh and looking at life through your lenses is very entertaining.

Thank you Dad for being the intelligent creative force you are. Constantly thinking, applying abstract thoughts to subjects and a great sense of humor is the result. I love you are so attuned to the God-given beauty in nature and are able to share a view of it through your landscape design. I am so proud of the work we did in the front yard, every time I look outside I think of you.

Thank you both for your generosity, willing to give of yourselves even when you are tired and it seems no one gives back. God sees your heart and I see the fruit of the Spirit in you both. You make my spirit soar because I see Jesus in your life.

I love you naturally, affectionately, and willingly!
(Storge, Phileo and Agape)