A Humbling

The only way I know how to write about this is from the heart. It won't make sense to everyone and that is fine. The Lord has been extremely active in the molding and shaping of my heart lately it is almost too hard to keep it all straight. I do like to journal about the things He teaches me so I can look back in remembrance and be thankful. So here is my feeble attempt to keep events clear.

I must give a little personal background so the telling of recent happenings makes sense. I have always been somewhat of an outsider. The girl looking through the window, observing, taking notes, applying what I see if it is worthy and good and rejecting what I believe to be wrong and full of holes. I enjoy alone time and reflection so I can gather my thoughts about a subject. I've never been the cookie cutter girl who follows the crowd.  I definitely live life to the beat of my own drum but know the dangers of being too independent and have always kept strong, authority figures I respect in my realm of vision to keep me balanced.  I'm not a supporter of institutions or any of the sorority social clubs. I like getting down to the root of an issue and love blunt answers to questions. I'm not a girl who needs decorum, pomp and circumstance or ceremonial tradition to understand principles.

Being Chandra over my life span has helped labels stick to me that don't necessarily match my personality.  It has not been uncommon for new people in my life after getting to know me admit, "I thought you were aloof, but your just a quiet person who is really nice" or I thought you were a snob but you are not even close."

I've heard it enough that I actually sigh and can laugh. I'm pretty comfortable with who I am although it can still be hard when others' perception of you casts a light that isn't true over your identity. I recently had someone say after my character went through a mini onslaught that ruffled me more than it should have, "Chandra, you have to be careful of how your perceived."

I thought about that statement long and hard. How can I help how others view me from the outside when they don't really take the time to listen and get to know me or have a log so big in their eye they view me through that instead of taking the log out and viewing me that way. Not my problem. I can never help how others view me, it is an outside variable I can not control. (And this works vice versa, I too, have to be careful I do not judge unjustly) God also gave me Psalms 69 as my vindication and comfort.

Jesus was misunderstood, perceived incorrectly throughout His entire life.  His family at one time thought He was crazy, His disciples didn't fully realize what He meant when He spoke truth until much later in their lives. The world certainly got Jesus wrong and still does.

That's when God told me to love and view others through the lens of HIM. He said, since you know how it feels to be misunderstood, thought of in incorrect ways, you know how I feel.

Oh what a struggle this is for fallen humans. I told God, I am not perfect like you.  I can't see others like you do without YOU doing it for me. I am WEAK! (In my weakness, HE is made strong, to show HIS glory.)

So what does God have me do.... He told me to go to the institution that can hold many misperceptions, can be a foothold for deceptions and stagnancy, can be fraught with error whether intentional or not. He told me to go to Church. The building where people on many levels of walking with Him go to seek Him. Where people are not perfect, where people are real or fake in their pursuit or lack thereof of God. He sent me to the place I could judge harshly, I could scrutinize from the outside, where I could pick apart to the last detail and told me to humble myself in the assembly where others feared Him. (Psalms 22:25).The institutional church is where He wants to help me put on His lens of how to love people.  Imperfect people, just like me.

The Temple

Jesus in fact, didn't abandon the Temple but was sent there by God for various purposes. He was found at the Temple when his parents lost him as a boy (Luke 2:41-51). He got mad at the misuse of the Temple in Matthew 21:12. Paul cleansed himself through a ceremonial tradition in the Temple (Acts 21:26) Yes, I know the arguments on if Paul should have done this or not... I do not question it and think Paul's heart was in accordance with what God wanted Him to do.

I look at the Old Testament and see the plan given by God for the construction of the Temple. The time, effort, cost that went into the House of the Lord. The Dedication ceremony given by Solomon was astounding in the feat to get the celebration and sacrifices in order.  (I Kings 8) It took many people and several days to accomplish this. It took an assembly of like minded people working together to accomplish the goal. Their service, rubbing elbows and making sweat for the House of the Lord was in fact, a community activity, one they found joy in.

On the principle of the matter, I know we do not need a building, props, sound systems to have church. Church can happen in a house, it can be in passing for a few seconds or during the day at work in the midst of a conversation. The Holy Spirit has no bounds and as believers who are part of a body scattered throughout the land, having church is when we obey the promptings of the Spirit no matter where we are. On the flip side of the coin, Church can also happen in a building, with props, sound systems and a gathering of that scattered body in one place where individuals can come to rejuvenate, repair, give thanks and praise amongst those who are like minded.

The fact is, the church is imperfect, it's made up of imperfect people. Does it matter if some are there for dating, some are there for social purposes or business connections. These are all perceptions that may or may not be true but are to be left up to the Holy Spirit to work with not for us to get hung up on.

The church will always be imperfect because people are imperfect. God does care and wants us to mature and grow. That is what the New Testament is all about. The church figuring out, through relationship with God how to love each other as the babes in Christ learn and grow, how the mature can lead those babes in Christ through life examples and how leadership can teach the truth in love to correct and edify as the world's ways are sloughed off. The church is a bunch of individuals running the race side by side towards the goal of eternity. Sometimes that race involves rough spots, bruises, failures and re-starts. Where else can individuals go to patch-up, gain strength and keep going spiritually but in a body called the church.

Paul's love for the church is astounding. It is a fact, that God gave him a special love for those imperfect people he once used to persecute. He was an outsider, who knew the Word of God and Jewish custom by heart (Pharisee - Philippians 3:4-8), more than a bit religious. God took his background of knowledge, removed his spiritual blindness through a temporary physical blinding and equipped his heart for the service of the people (church).  I'm pretty certain God gave him an extra dose of love because the following part of his life after meeting Jesus was not one would plan for themselves.

Paul had his work cut out for him, correcting, admonishing, teaching, getting beat-up, threatened etc. I'm sure he had hushed scandalous talk follow him from city to city. I can hear it now, the perceptions and misunderstandings surrounding his presence, "Isn't he the Christian murderer?" "I bet he's made up this ruse of loving the Christians to get close and kill them, he can't be trusted." (Ananias certainly had to trust God's word about Paul and love him through this event in his life) Ananias probably got a ration of accusations too, "He hangs out with that guy?" (what a friend)

So here it is, I understand misperceptions and how that can effect the soul and it isn't easy. I understand following God instead of man can get you put in a corner with man because they don't fully understand what is happening. I fully trust God and where He leads me. If he leads me into an institutional church where pitfalls and imperfections will certainly be there (we are human) (whether it is for a season or longer), I am willing to be misunderstood for the benefit of what God has in store for my heart.

I Peter 5:6
(Thanks Dad for giving this verse to me at the right time)


John 14:27 is such a comfort...

This Article explains beautifully why I don't think Paul was out of the will of God when he ritually purified himself at the temple...

https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/699-did-paul-sin-in-submitting-to-the-temple-ritual