Company Marketing Quip: RefreshIt, Fresh Water Bidet

MEMO

Posted by: Betty Bidet, Head of Sales

December 3, 2016

MEMO: You Can Sell ANYTHING! Encouragement for those behind in Sales

Dear Sale Representatives,

I understand the all encompassing concerns for the promotion of our product. I saw many of you inching towards the back door as we discussed the sales goals and product qualities in our last meeting. The following is an article we published in consumer reports to help our latest money maker gain ground in the market as we do not want to be back sided and in arrears over this new product launch. Read it and use the information to help you on the sales floor. No objection is too strong for you! Our product will 'tukhus' to the next level. Remember, Christmas bonuses hang in the balance and I'm routing for you.

Sincerely,

Betty

ARTICLE: RefreshIt For The Fundaments Of Your Family, by: Fanny Applebottom, Consumer Reports, December 1, 2016. Reprinted with permission.

RefreshIt For The Fundaments Of Your Family

Are you privy to the latest addition to the comfort station? Do you need to spruce up your oval office?     This product will help you take command of your lavatory. Quick, easy installation will send you on your way to derriere heaven. Just sit back, dial in your specific setting at your pleasure and let RefreshIt do the dirty work. If you need a little nudge in the morning, just RefreshIt, a cool spritz will do. For best results, use full measure. 

For a nominal price of 38.99, you can own the luxury of a traditional bidet without the needed extra space and back breaking installation. With a savings of a couple hundred dollars and the fact you do not need to move from one commode to another is priceless. Not only will you save on time and effort, you will literally be pirating the booty on toilet roll consumption.  Just think about those with young children in potty training, RefreshIt will make going to the loo a sought reward, speeding the process to success. 

Isn't it time to high tail it to your local handy store and revel in the callipygian savings? Don't be a donk and miss out on this revolutionary product your family will be sure to thank you for later. In fact, we are so confident you won't regret this purchase, we bet you'll be slapping your haunches and think to yourself, "Why didn't I do this sooner?" 

COMMENTS (12)

Hillary Duff 2 days ago

"I'm so bummed I didn't have this product in my washroom sooner."

Joe Plumber 1 day ago

"RefreshIt has given my plumber's crack a whole new outlook on life."

Booteus Maximus 15 hours ago

"Does it come with a cheek spreader?"

         (comment may need modification)

Cheekie 14 hours ago

"I had a crappy experience!"

     reply Fanny: "Should I be sorry or happy for you?"

Shootie Patootie 13 hours ago

"There was no more junk on my trunk!"

Soggy Biscuits 13 hours ago

"Not a happy camper! My buns got swamped."

     reply Fanny: "Umm, that's the point. Did you read the user's manual?"

Blue Moon 10 hours ago

"Talk about shooting the moon. WOWZA! The top setting on this thing strip mined my arse."

     reply Cool Keister: " Hey, Blue Moon! 'A nudge' from the 'cool spritz' was more like a fire hose      supplied by the Arctic Ocean.

     reply Blue Moon: "Hey, Cool Keister... LMAO!"

Happy Heinie 9 hours ago

"Now that I've got my RefreshIt, I don't need my morning coffee fix."

RefreshIt Command Station
Photo by: Chandra Brown

FOR FUN: How many 'BUTT' references can you find in this silly post?