Pulp Fiction: The Bean Conspiracy

On my self directed journey to learn about nutrition I was way layed by an eye opening article uncovering the truth about that magical fruit we all attribute our bodily noise from the nether regions to; the fiberous bean.

Ahh, I might as well get it out of the way..

Everyone knows the well rhymed chant of childhood that causes uproarious giggles, finger-pointing and even proud admittance at the act of passing gas. The infamous Bean Song..the song that somehow became a legend through oral history and from generation to generation is unscathed by misinterpretation or incorrect wording only to live another day.

The Bean Song

by: Anonymous

(and probably wanted it that way)

Beans, beans the magical fruit

the more you eat, the more you toot,

the more you toot the better you feel,

so let's have beans for every meal.

(or this added line)

so lift your leg and let it squeal!

Let's break this conspiratorial message down line by line with what is truth and what is fiction..

Line 1: Beans, beans the magical fruit...TRUTH

It is common for most conspiracies to start out with a bit of truth, it makes it necessary for the targeted mind to succumb to the lie somewhere hidden or twisted into the plot. Beans really are quite magical, the way in which they grow is interesting in itself and their function in the human body is unique to the legume family. (more on this later) Of course, the well known English fairy tale Jack and The Beanstalk dictates the magical qualities in an entertaining fashion.

Line 2:  the more you eat, the more you toot...FALSE

This is where the conspiracy starts and I speculate the motivation behind this lie was fashioned by a parent to get their kid to eat their dinner which happened to involve beans. A parent will resort to humor in desperate attempts to get their kids to do what they want, my own humiliating experiences abound in my head as I write this. When a lie is outed, a fact must take its place. According to Karen Hurd Ph.D., Nutritionist and retired Army Captain, Beans Don't Cause Gas. The Bean Queen, as she is known amongst her colleagues and clients explains the reality of how gas is formed in our digestive system and how the bean actually is the regulator of this imbalance. (The entire article is worth the read, as she explains the process beautifully.)  She has had amazing results prescribing beans for health and has published a cookbook, suitably called The Bean Queen's Cookbook. 

Line 3: the more you toot the better you feel...TRUTH

I can't squabble on that one...when you gotta go, you better blow! Although, the lie is somewhat perpetrated further in this line.

Line 4: So let's have beans for every meal...TRUTH (with a condition)

If you have consistent flatulence problems beans up to six times a day is a curative method according to Karen Hurd's above mentioned article.

Maybe this post "spilled the beans" on a brilliant conspiracy to thwart and place blame on the innocent bean in order to get kids to eat their dinner. Ahh, when it comes down to it, this is one pulpy conspiracy I can live with...

The "conspiracy" lives on...